Hey everyone, Marcus here. I've been in tech for about eleven years — mostly backend work, some team lead stuff, a little cloud infrastructure. I got laid off four months ago and I want to be honest with you all because I feel like nobody talks about the real emotional weight of a job search until it's already crushing them.
The Job Search Was Breaking Me
I applied to somewhere around 80 positions over the first two months. I optimized my resume. I practiced system design questions until I could answer them in my sleep. And the rejections still kept coming — or worse, total silence. I started waking up at 3 a.m. running through everything I might have done wrong. My partner noticed before I did. She started walking on eggshells around me, and I felt this overwhelming guilt every time she paid for dinner or covered a bill without saying a word about it. That guilt turned into shame, and shame made the depression worse. It was a cycle I couldn't break.
Why I Turned to Freelancing
A former coworker reached out about a short contract — three weeks, Python-heavy, remote team based in Austin. I almost said no because I thought taking it would somehow signal that I'd given up on finding a full-time role. That thinking was wrong. Taking that contract was the best decision I made. It gave me income, yes, but more importantly it gave me structure and a reason to open my laptop that wasn't just refreshing job boards. The guilt in my relationship started to ease because I was contributing again, even if it wasn't the stable W-2 situation either of us wanted long-term.
What Freelancing Actually Looks Like Mid-Career
I want to be real — freelancing in tech at this level isn't the same as it was ten years ago. Clients expect you to hit the ground running. You're often dropping into a codebase you've never seen, working with a remote team across three time zones, and delivering something useful before they've even fully explained the project. It's not for everyone, but if you've got the stack depth and you can communicate clearly, you can make it work. I've picked up two more short contracts since that first one.
- Start with your existing network before cold-pitching platforms
- Be upfront about your availability and rate — lowballing yourself leads to resentment fast
- Treat each contract like an audition for a longer relationship, not just a paycheck
- Block time for your actual job search so freelancing doesn't become avoidance
- Talk to your partner or whoever is in your corner — the isolation makes everything worse
The Mental Health Part Nobody Posts About
I'm not going to pretend I'm fully out of the dark. Some mornings are still hard. But having work — even contract work — gave me something to point to. It changed the conversation in my relationship from "when are you going to find something" to "how is the project going." That shift mattered more than I expected. If you're in the middle of a brutal search right now and you're feeling the same guilt and low-grade depression I was, please know you're not alone and you're not failing. The market is genuinely difficult right now and that's not a reflection of your worth.
If you're ready to start exploring what's out there — full-time, contract, or somewhere in between — search open roles on CareerPlace and filter by remote or contract to see what fits your situation right now.
Let's Talk About It
I'm curious how others are handling this. Have you turned to freelancing or gig work during a job search to keep yourself afloat financially and mentally? Did it help, or did it make the full-time search harder to stay focused on? Drop your experience below — I think this community needs this conversation.
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