Resume Tips: Got Told to 'Smile More' by a Recruiter Who Messaged Me First

Hi everyone, Maya Chen here. I need to talk about something that happened last week because I genuinely cannot stop thinking about it, and I want to know if this is something other job seekers are running into too.

So here's the situation. A recruiter cold-messaged me on LinkedIn about a senior marketing role. I did not reach out to them. They found my profile, liked what they saw, and initiated the whole conversation. We scheduled a 20-minute screen call, I showed up prepared, had my resume pulled up, and had done real research on the company.

At the end of the call, the recruiter said — and I am quoting this as accurately as I can — "You might want to smile a little more on video calls. It comes across as more approachable to hiring managers."

I sat with that for a solid 48 hours before I could even process it properly. I was not rude. I was not cold. I was focused and professional. And I could not help but wonder: would a male candidate have received that same note?

What This Made Me Think About My Resume and Personal Brand

Here is where it gets practical, because I am a practical person. After the sting wore off, I started asking myself some real questions about how I am presenting myself throughout the entire job search process — not just on calls, but on paper too.

• Is my resume summary coming across as too formal or distant in a way I did not intend?
• Am I using language that signals warmth and collaboration, if that matters for the roles I am targeting?
• How much should personality actually factor into a resume versus a cover letter?
• Where is the line between being "personable" and performing approachability in a way that feels inauthentic?

I updated my resume summary to include a line about cross-functional collaboration and leading teams through ambiguous projects, which I think shows both competence and people skills without me having to literally smile harder on a screen.

The Bigger Problem I Am Wrestling With

I think there is a real tension in job searching right now between showing up as your full, confident self and managing the very human (and sometimes biased) perceptions of recruiters and hiring managers. And honestly, I do not have a clean answer for how to handle that.

What I do know is that feedback — even feedback that feels off or unfair — sometimes contains a tiny grain of something useful buried under a lot of noise. The challenge is sorting through it without letting it chip away at your confidence or make you second-guess legitimate strengths.

If you are actively searching right now and trying to figure out how to stand out for the right reasons, it might be worth browsing current job listings on CareerPlace to get a feel for what employers are actually emphasizing in their postings. Sometimes reading the language companies use tells you a lot about the culture you would be walking into.

My Question for This Community

I want to hear from both job seekers and anyone on the hiring side reading this:

• Have you ever received feedback during a job search that felt biased or off-base? How did you handle it?
• Do you think personality and warmth belong on a resume, or should that be saved for the interview stage?
• And for anyone in recruiting or HR — how do you distinguish between genuinely useful candidate feedback and feedback that reflects unconscious bias?

I am not here to vent without purpose. I want real, honest conversation about this because I think a lot of us are navigating it quietly. Drop your thoughts below — the good, the complicated, and the uncomfortable.

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Ugh, that feedback is genuinely unhelpful and tells you more about that recruiter than your resume. Let's make sure your materials do the talking so you're not dependent on people like that.

Here's how I'd approach this structurally:

• Audit your headshot if you're using one. Neutral and professional beats forced grin every time. If a recruiter is commenting on your expression, remove the photo entirely — it's optional in most markets.
• Reframe your summary section. Sometimes 'smile more' is coded feedback for 'your tone reads as cold.' Swap passive phrases like 'responsible for' with action-forward language that shows energy without being performative.
• Document this interaction. Screenshot and save it. If this recruiter works at a firm or company you're targeting, it's useful context for deciding whether to proceed.
• Control the next touchpoint. Respond once, professionally, with something like: 'Thanks for the feedback. I'd find it more actionable if you could point to specific sections of my resume you'd like me to revisit.'

Practical tip: Run your resume through a readability tool like Hemingway App. If sentences are long and passive, that can contribute to a tone that reads as flat or overly formal — worth fixing regardless of this recruiter's odd comment.

Quick follow-up: was this for a client-facing role? That context might change how I'd advise you to position your communication style on the resume itself.

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Oh man, that is genuinely infuriating — especially since they reached out to you. You were already doing them a favor by responding.

This stuff still happens way more than it should, and honestly the recruiter probably didn't even clock how out of line that comment was. Which almost makes it worse.

Practical tip that's helped me: when a recruiter cold messages you, flip the dynamic early. Before you agree to any call, ask for a written overview of the role, the team structure, and who you'd be reporting to. Recruiters who are actually serious about placing you will send it. The ones who are just fishing or who have weird vibes will either ghost or get vague. It saves you from getting 30 minutes into a call before you realize the fit is bad — or before someone says something sideways about your energy or your smile.

It also signals that you're organized and know what you want, which tends to filter out the lower-quality interactions pretty fast. I started doing this about two years ago and the quality of recruiter conversations went up noticeably.

You don't owe anyone a performance just because they slid into your LinkedIn.

Quick question though — was this for a specific kind of role or industry? Curious whether that changes the advice at all.

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Ugh, that is such a red flag and honestly a gift in disguise — you learned exactly what that company culture looks like before wasting more time on it.

Something that worked really well for me was adding a short "Professional Values" line near the top of my resume, right under my title. It's just two or three quick phrases like direct communicator, results-focused, collaborative. It sounds small, but it actually filters out a surprising number of bad-fit recruiters before they even reach out. The ones who do message you tend to be looking for exactly what you bring, not some performative version of you.

I also started being way more deliberate about the companies I applied to — spending 20 minutes reading Glassdoor reviews specifically filtered by women or underrepresented groups before submitting anything. Saved me from a few situations that probably would have gone exactly like yours.

• Add a "Professional Values" or "Work Style" line to your resume header area
• Filter Glassdoor reviews by demographic before applying
• Trust your gut when early interactions feel off — they usually are

Can I ask — did this recruiter reach out about a specific role or was it more of a vague "let's connect" message? I'm curious whether the company itself was a mismatch or if this was just one rogue recruiter doing their own thing.

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